Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Turning 30 - THE HORROR

Those of you who follow me on Twitter will have seen that I have done my back in. AGAIN. This is just another thing in a long list of terrible aging things that have happened to me in my swift approach to 30...
Now I know a lot of you are over 30 (And not because you look it, because geeeeez you guys, there must have been some pretty easy paper rounds in your ends...) and you are all doing a magnificent job of it. My issue is not, as many people assume, that I think 30 is old, because it isn’t, it really flipping IS. NOT. The issue is that by 30 I thought I would have achieved something.

 A lot of people  I know have said the same, my Mother was horrified at turning 30 (Even though she had a three year old version of me and a month old version of my sister which I’m sure we can all agree, is all that anyone can truly aspire to.) My Husband threatened to do a Forest Gump and never stop running the night before his 30th and one of my closest friends had a full on meltdown which saw him trying to leap from a moving taxi into a hedge...
 
Don’t get me wrong, in a typical list of achievements, I’ve done pretty well;  
 
H I worked my arse off and bought a House at 21 (Which will financially
        cripple me until my late 80s at this rate but HEY it’s MY house and I love it
        when it’s not covered in cat sick and hair...)

I’ve been happily married for three and a bit years to a wonderful, (and
            I'm sure you can appreciate why this is important) tolerant man.
 
: I have a job with a company that I think extremely highly of and which
           has given me some cracking professional opportunities.

©     I have my health (Minus the back/jaw/stomach things which are all very
          minor in the grand scheme of things).
This is me: ACHIEVING 
I am very fortunate, I think we can all agree. The problem is that at the back of my mind I can hear nine year old me...
"You work where?!?! IN AN OFFICE?!?! What a Loo-ooo-serrrrr"
"You did a media studies degree? What even IS that..?!?!"
"You said we'd dress better by now..."
"Where's all those books we was going to write?" (Nine year old me is still in Hull, hence the grammar problems..)
"Our house should be bigger"
"Why don't you do more fun things?"
"Why don't you do more CLEVER things...?"
"Shit. I've still got a fringe.." (This bit isn't really true because we I love the fringe)

I just thought that I'd be some incredibly successful business woman, with a stay at home husband, an exciting job, a house with more rooms than cats and be feeling thoroughly chuffed with myself right now. This is all self enforced pressure, nobody else is pushing me in any direction, although my Husband does like the idea of being a full time house-cat-father...

So what I did to attempt to deal with all these completely irrational issues, was to set myself the challenge of giving myself EXPERIENCES.

Things I have experienced in my 29th year:
 
I’ve been to Milan, Venice and less glamorously...Benelmadena
I didn't realise until last year just how important a holiday is for my mental wellbeing. This year has been flipping full of them due to family events and bloody brilliant parents who like to be in foreign countries with us. (Or at least are willing to pretend) Venice was simply spectacular, I'm planning to go again, potentially by myself - Gonna get mah tortured poet oooon. 
I started driving lessons again...
Driving Take II...The less said the better...
I did a catwalk... You can see more of this HERE
This did my confidence the world of good. I don't exactly come across as shy and retiring but when it comes to what I think about myself, particularly with body image, I need quite a lot of boosting. As I've said before, Plus North did just this.
I went on stage and accepted an award*
This was awesome because I never ever thought that I'd get to go to a Black Tie do, yet alone be collecting an award that I worked towards.
       *On behalf of the Trust I work for but IT WAS ME** ON THE STAGE GUYS
** And two other people...
I started this blog
This has probably been one of the things that's pleased me the most, I'm writing again. And with the writing comes meeting other people and having my eyes opened to the big old world that's out there!
 
I aim to continue with setting myself the challenge of experiences, I set myself one last week which I'm already thoroughly regretting but I'm going to stick to it nonetheless.

A couple of things I have at the back of my mind already:

ü I'm not going to be frightened to explore when I go abroad next year
µ I'd really like to have a photoshoot done, not in a narcissistic way (You
        know how I loathe this word) More in a YOLO way.
® I want to go to an Opera
¯ I am going to find a flamenco dance class
)   I WILL LEARN SPANISH for crying out loud

Have you experienced something that you think I'd love? Tell me! It may make my list yet...

I HAVE THREE MONTHS OF MY 20s LEFT GUYS - I'M GOING TO MAKE 9 YEAR OLD ME PROUD!!!


4 comments:

  1. You are doing just fine, bird. We all have an inner dominatrix in us trying to beat us up for not ruling the world...yet. Your achievements are many people's idea of happy. I think secretly we're all a bit masochistic. FEEL BETTER SOON! X

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  2. I did this very same thing. I can honestly say, when the 30th Birthday comes it's like a relief. We can all say this to you but you will feel what we have all felt when we hit 30 and that is relief.
    Suddenly you're hitting another decade and you feel like you have TONNES of time to do a lot.
    I'm 33 soon.
    I still feel ok.
    Maybe ask me again when I hit 35. x

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  3. a hop, skip and a jump and I found your fabulous blog!! you are excellent! Happy soon to be 30! you really have achieved a lot this year, I'm exhausted for you, I think I need to go and have a lie down! x x x

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    1. Hahaha, that's really tickled me - Thank you lovely lady! I wonder if this is why I'm so tired all the time, it's not innate laziness: I AM ACHIEVING TOO HARD! :) x

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