Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Spring Is Blooming...?

This is just a quick post to stop by, say Hi and share in some extreme confusion around what the heck the weather's doing. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Dress - Primark (Similar)
Sandals - Simply Be
When I took these pictures it was hot. Hence me wearing a floaty dress covered in flowers. Right now it is snowing. Hence me wearing my pyjamas.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

Midi dresses are the way forward for me right now, the proportions seem to work well with my figure and they look great with trainers, sandals and ankle boots alike

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

The dress is from Primark so I can't link directly to it but Simply Be have a similar one here. The sandals are also Simply Be, I have them in three colours and they're SO comfortable it's ridiculous.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

I'll be back with a longer post at the weekend but, until then, I hope the weather starts to perk up a bit where you are.
Em x 

Friday, 21 April 2017

Sexual Happiness Day

Happy Sexual Happiness Day one and all. Did you know that's what today is? I had no idea but then why would I, it's not on my UK national holiday calendar. Yet. Anyway, I hope Father Sexmas came and filled your stockings with big juicy packages (REVOLTING)... 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Plus Size Basque* - Lovehoney
Sexual Happiness is epically subjective, it may be that sex all day every day is what makes you happy, it may be the occasional quick screw between shopping and cooking the tea, it may be that your sexual happiness comes from being comfortable with never having sex again. You can be a sexual person if you are fat, you can be a sexual person if you are thin, single, married, old, young, rich poor, ALL of the things that a person can be. You can also be someone who ISN'T sexual and there is nothing at all wrong with this, when it comes to sex and all things related I honestly think: Just do what suits you best (Consent and legality complying).

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

For me, the biggest turn on is firstly feeling good about myself - This doesn't mean that I look a certain way or am wearing a certain thing, it's more that I LIKE myself at that moment.  Secondly, being with someone who respects me, who thinks I'm hot and who actively wants to touch my parts with their parts (I should write erotic fiction...) seals the deal. If you want to know more about the act of sex itself in greater detail, I utterly love Lottie L'Amours post The Dirty Guide to Sex for Fat Girls. It's informative, honest and an incredibly good read. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

Thank you Lovehoney for bringing this day to my attention, for reminding us that sexual happiness is important and for making me look smoking yet again!
Em x
* Denotes gifted item - All views are entirely my own.

Friday, 14 April 2017

All Wrapped Up With The Towel Shop

For a really, really long time my blog has consisted purely of fashion and opinion, because this is the stuff I know ya know. If ever an opportunity was to present itself in order to persuade me to diversify from this in any way whatsoever, lovely big towels were entirely the one. For the simple reason; When I'm not wearing clothes or having an opinion, I'm in the bath. So this is an incredibly relevant to my interests post. Second only maybe to "Tall men with large faces" and "Rum".

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Extra Large Bath Towel* - The Towel Shop 
One of my mega issues throughout my entire life has been around the fit of everyday items most people take for granted: Tights, slippers, cycling helmets (Don't ask...) handbags and more often than anything: Towels. Whenever I stop in a hotel you can guarantee that the towel will reach to halfway down my ass with a great big gaping gap at the side. In Carry On films this is sexy (If not epically misogynistic) but on a 6ft tall half-blind woman who is slippery and cold, it's irritating and not at all cute. Trust me. 



This issue extends further; I love a good spa day, but while the other guests are encased in huge fluffy towelling robes, I'm there trying to cover my bits with something made for a woman two foot shorter than me and a good thirty inches narrower... That was until The Towel Shop came to my rescue. They have a have a range of towels, towelling robes and other luxury items designed for Plus Sized peoples and to prove their dedication to the chub life, they sent me a couple of gifts to slob about in.


First I tried out the 500GSM Egyptian cotton XL bath towel in cream. This measures in at 90 x 180cm and WRAPS ALL THE WAY ROUND ME. All the way round and then some more. It also well and truly covers my ass. Get in. It's lovely and soft and I can actually sit and dry my hair in it without it falling off or getting on my nerves. This towel is available in more colours but I went for cream because I wanted to pretend I was at a luxury hotel and not my in-laws bathroom with someone telling me to hurry up because they need a wee...


Next up was the Turkish Cotton Terry Towelling Bath Robe in XL. I have to be completely honest and say that this robe isn't as big as I'd hoped. With this said, it IS long and it does more than go round me, I just hoped for HUGE you know? The robe is soft but also absorbent (This is turning into a sanitary towel advert...) unlike some of the more trendy dressing gowns on the market and I've now earmarked this as my guest gown for when I stop at the in-laws because I spend a lot of time in their roll-top bath and can now avoid totally drenching the floor, stairs and everywhere else I go. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Towelling Robe* - The Towel Shop 
With a pack of four bath towels at only £31 I can sincerely recommend The Towel Shop, you'd pay a lot more than this on the high street for tiny towels of a much lower quality. My very own precious love Becky has also got something to say on this subject and she looks bloody good doing it so be sure to have a look at her post here.
Em x
* Denotes gifted item - All views are entirely my own.

Sunday, 9 April 2017

Summer Casual With Navabi

I recently asked people on my Instagram page what they would like to see more of on Terrible Tumbles. In and amongst the "boobies", "bottoms" and "NOTHING" came the resounding answer of Plus size casual wear. Now I've never really seen myself as anything other than casual - Certainly not glam, but this got me thinking about what I really wear, particularly on those days when I'm just loitering about not doing much of anything. SO, with this in mind, here is my ultimate in Summer casual looks.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Shirt* - Marina Rinaldi Sport @ Navabi
Straight Leg Jeans - Evans
Wrap Detail Sandals - Simply Be
Tote Bag - Mango
Sunglasses - MONKI
A couple of months ago I fell in love with this printed shirt from Marina Rinaldi Sport. I watched the Navabi website like an absolute hawk for months on end to no avail. THEN THERE IT WAS. Except I had missed it and my size had been and gone. WELL DONE ME. But all was not lost! The incredible team at Navabi did some magical detective work and the next thing I know, the shirt was all mine. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

The shirt also comes in a navy but I'm a total sucker for green as you know. I'm well into the retro feel to the abstract heart print and the contrasting blue stripe detail at the edges, I've never had such a snazzy shirt. The side splits make it easy to wear either tucked in or loose meaning that so far, I've been able to wear it under a pinafore for work as well as with both black and blue jeans - It's a proper versatile high end item. As for sizing, this is the 18, a 16 would also have fit but the 18 is lovely and loose and looks SO flipping good tucked into jeans with the sleeves rolled up - Perfect for the warm weather we're having right now.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

Tan accessories are my go-to all year round. Every time I try another colour or shade of brown, I'm like NAH NOT FOR ME THANKS. This Mango tote is a bit of a lifesaver right now in that I am epically disorganised and this bag is vast enough for me to empty all of my various other bags into. This means that it's currently 95% full of garbage but at least I haven't left my purse at home for at least three weeks... The sandals are Simply Be, size 9 and remarkably comfortable meaning that I will still happily class them as casual shoes despite the heels. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

As casual looks go, this is one I love. It's cool, light, versatile but still just dressy enough to stop me breaking out in a rash....
Em x

*Denotes items gifted for review - All opinions are my own. I'd also like to apologise for the quality of these pictures - Some moron (me) forgot their camera....

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

I Love What I See With Lovehoney Plus

When you're a busy and perpetually tired person, it can be hard to remember that you're also a human being, maybe even a sexy female human being who should probably have a bath and brush their hair every now and then (Hot eh?) With this in mind, now could not have been a better time for my beautiful friend at Lovehoney to send me an item of their Plus Size Lingerie range.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Plus Size Devore Body* - Lovehoney Plus
Wrap - Primark
I absolutely love how this bodysuit looks on me, and I mean LOVE. The length is perfect, it doesn't pull, gape or tug anywhere. It's more like wearing a sexy swimsuit than lingerie which is a feeling I like. I have the tendency to feel a bit weird in non-functional underwear - Maybe it's because I move around a lot and like all my bits to be in the right places, who knows? I adore how the legs are a bit lower and there are absolutely no elasticated edges that could dig in or cause discomfort - This includes the poppers at the crotch (I tried to think of a less gauche word for crotch but the best I came up with was gusset and that's infinitely worse so CROTCH IT IS) which stay poppered beautifully and don't touch anything you wouldn't want them to touch.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

 With regards to size, the bodysuit is available between an 18 and 24.  The stretch in the mesh allows for plenty of give for any larger areas, whilst the beautiful velvet vine print gives light yet very pretty coverage. Words of consideration: This bodysuit does not offer support. It makes your boobs look INCREDIBLE, (like the boobs that you think you have until you catch sight of yourself emptying the bin in a ten year old vest top and no bra...) but you're probably best off not running a marathon in this little baby. This said, it holds my 36FF chest beautifully and is perfectly sufficient for slinking around the house with a glass of wine in hand and D'Angelo on the record player which is basically the sexiest, albeit rarest, version of me.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

Lovehoney have a huge range of lingerie in sizes 18+, they also have special sexy things that I've never thought about or realised existed before which is pretty intense when you consider my wild imagination, so they're well worth a look, just let me know how you get on! (Within reason...)
Em x
* Denotes item gifted for review, all opinions are entirely my own.

Saturday, 25 March 2017

Jumping into Spring with Navabi

It's that time of the year where we start to see brands' Spring/Summer ranges hit the streets and I'm FULLY ready to embrace them. Top of the Pops (Remember Top of the Pops?) for 2017 have got to be yours and my favourite premium plus-size retailers Navabi. Think floaty florals and chic tailoring mixed with fabulous colour pops of Summer brights. it's genuinely a pleasure to behold.

Jumpsuit - Manon Baptiste at Navabi
Bag - Simply Be (Similar)
Shoes - Topshop (Similar)
Sunglasses - MONKI 
When I saw this jumpsuit I audibly gasped and can only assume that my eyes turned into love hearts.  As a sailor girl at heart (Fake News; The biggest sea-faring vessel I've ever controlled was a pedalo) the deep navy blue, gold buttons and flared leg spoke to me on a whole new level. The chiffon split-sleeves soften the look and keep the jumpsuit from being too tailored for a warmer day, while the zip back means you can zip in even the most voluptuous of bosoms/stomachs/thighs. 

The only part of the look I was initially dubious about was the cropped length. I have a strange relationship with my lower legs in that they anger me because no matter how tanned I may get, they remain the same colour as something that has never seen sun. My ass potentially. This said, think they fall to the perfect length - It's the length I'd wear a dress to so why not trousers...?

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

In the SS17 lookbook, the jumpsuit is styled with red shoes, red lips and a black clutch and it is just the most effortlessly chic outfit I have ever seen. Genuinely. I've played it mega safe here with tan accessories and my new MONKI sunglasses to prove that cropped jumpsuits don't have to be dressy. I can see it looking equally as magnificent with some flat clogs or even ankle boots (in fact I'm going to check this out tonight) 


Now the sizing with this jumpsuit is a bit odd. I'm currently a 16-18 and went for a size 18 with it being a fitted item. It's FAR too big on me. Like two sizes too big. I've just ordered a 14 in the hope that it will fit better because I genuinely need this jumpsuit for my Summer wardrobe and I'll feed back on how much better the fit is. Until then, my recommendation would be; SIZE DOWN. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

I'm thoroughly delighted to be back out in the sun again and am doing my upmost to absorb some of those vitamins that stop you from feeling like a human slug, so fingers crossed I'll be less Casper and more sun kissed and energy-filled by the next time I post. WATCH THIS SPACE.
Em x
*Denotes gifted item - All views are my own

Sunday, 19 March 2017

Delightful Denim with Simply Be

A couple of weeks ago, I had a day out with my beautiful friend Steph. We drank some drinks, ate some food and attempted to take some decent pictures. Despite inadvertently dressing as each other, I think it was a successful day. Not least because Steph is an awesome woman and I had chips twice.  

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Bardot Top - Simply Be
Jeans - Simply Be
Sandals - Simply Be
We'd been sent some items from the "new in" section of Simply Be after getting involved with their London Fashion Week Instagram takeover and had both managed to go for a lil bit o' gingham. I went for this Bardot top and Steph was wearing a peplum blouse in the same fabric which I have to say, looked utterly banging. I have to be honest, I'm not certain I love gingham on myself, I prefer a bigger, bolder print. This said, with a blue denim, I think I could do a lot worse.

 I'll always be a big fan of a Bardot neckline, they stop me overheating (Have I ever mentioned how sweaty I am? I'm really sweaty) but are incredibly easy to wear. This particular top is loose and light with a fabulous addition of tie details on the sleeves. I'm wearing a 16 here and it's perfect - The neckline is the ideal width, even on my broad shoulders, meaning that there is no digging in or the dreaded "hoik". 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

These sandals are fab - perfect heel height, good and sturdy and SO comfortable. I could have easily worn them all day no beef. I'm never without a pair of tan coloured sandals, they make warm weather outfits so much easier, whether it be jeans, a midi dress or tailored jumpsuit, they seem less dressy than a black sandal but more versatile than flip flops or the such (My toes are too long for such frivolities...)

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

Thank you Steph for a thrilling day despite the epic rain - Here's to many more cocktails, accidental twinning and dry pies. 
Em x
*Denotes items gifted for review. All thoughts are my own from my own brain. 

Monday, 6 March 2017

Plus Size Plisse - The Elvi Pleated Top

I've said it before but I love plisse; It's light, loose and so lovely to wear whilst still looking dressy. This Elvi top is no exception to the rule and I'm already a huge fan.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Plisse Top* - Elvi
Jeans - Simply Be (Customised myself)
Sandals - Primark (Similar)
Isn't this colour to die for?! Burnt orange is so my bag, I just can't wear it head to toe or I look like a lost tangerine... With that in mind, there are matching culottes which I've seen other people looking incredible in but that are just a bit too cool for me and my middle of the road sensibilities. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

A top like this is a wardrobe staple, as good tucked into a skirt as it is worn over skinny jeans. These particular jeans are the Simply Be Chloe Jeans which I'm a big fan of - in fact, SB have recently changed their "recipe" and they've improved even further - I'd just recommend sizing down (I'm generally a 16-18 in skinny jeans but am a 14 in Chloe).

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

I need to apologise once more for looking so surly in my blog photos; I'm absolutely shattered right now. It was my birthday last week (33 HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED?!?) and despite having a marvellous time, it really took it out of me. I can only assume it's a combination of old age, late nights and a veritable smorgasbord of alcohol...

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

I'm not going to lie - I hate my ass in this picture but that's just life, sometimes your ass is amazing and sometimes it looks like a sack of squirrels...
Em x
* Denotes items gifted for review - All opinions remain my own.

Saturday, 4 March 2017

A Plus Size Bridesmaid - Part 2: Joanie Clothing

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

How fortuitous for the Plus Size Bridesmaid series that one of my absolute favouritest of all of the brands in the whole entire world should choose this year to launch a wedding shop. Not only this, but they asked whether a fabulous, not to mention GORGEOUS, group of bloggers (and me) would be willing to join them for a photoshoot to launch the range. This means that not only can I show you the dresses but I can actually tell you in a bit more detail how they fit, feel and move which is the whole entire point of fashion blogging and therefore means I am providing you with the top notch fabulous service you have always hoped for from me. 

The Dresses:
You'll see from the pictures, the dresses seem to fit into two clear aesthetics. The first is romantic and ethereal, with rose gold highlights, floaty chiffon and satin bows. For me, this is the more traditional bridesmaid dress, albeit with a modern twist via a stunning colour-way which makes it accessible to bridemaids of all skin tones. Pastels with the added bonus of an extremely versatile navy blue. All at a length to suit all heights.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
www.terribletumbles.co.ukwww.terribletumbles.co.uk

The other highlight of this look is the embellished capelet in two colour-ways. I'm a big fan of the old cleavage but also like the option to tone it down a little (You know, so I don't burst into flames on entering a church) and this addition allows a small yet beautiful  amount of coverage without taking away from the line of the dress.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk

The next theme screams vintage glamour, vibrant reds with structured skirts, eyelash lace and Bardot necklines. These dresses change the mood from sweetness and light to snogging the best man and doing the worm on the dance floor. I LOVE THEM. Plus, these dresses bring in the options of sleeves which is something so utterly rare in bridesmaid world. 

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
www.terribletumbles.co.uk

As someone who had never considered red as a bridesmaid colour; Just look how fabulous the pictures look, the bride (Sade - Not only is she bloody gorgeous but she is super mega intelligent and one of the nicest most considerate people I've met - It was an honour to be her maid of honour and I hope she doesn't mind that I'm going to gatecrash her real wedding at some point and resume the role...) is still the centre of attention (In a Joanie dress no less) but the pop of colour creates such a vivacious and fun look.

www.terribletumbles.co.uk
www.terribletumbles.co.uk
Models: KarenChyazSadeDonna
All Dresses and caplets - Joanie Clothing 
Hair & Makeup - The Vintage Beauty Parlour 
Flowers - Venus Flowers
Photography - Tanzaro Studios

The Sizing:
All dresses above currently go from an 8 - 22. If you are busty, I would suggest sizing up where possible. The midi lengths are ideal on most heights - Models on the day varied from 5"2 - 6". 

The Prices:
The dresses above range from £22.50 - £55 for fully embellished. This means you could dress four bridesmaids for under £100. ISN'T THAT RIDICULOUS?!? 

Availability :
The Joanie Wedding Shop is online so you can have a good old browse together no matter how far apart your bridesmaids are HERE.

Summary:
This is an incredibly considerate range that was an absolute delight to wear. At no point was I uncomfortable, all of my body parts fit into the relevant areas. The price range is frankly phenomenal for what you're receiving and with Joanie also selling petticoats, stockings and shrugs; You can buy everything you need for the big day, all from the same place.

I can truly say that I had an absolutely wonderful day with some of the best people I know, please be sure to check out their blogs/websites and if you're considering the big day yourself I can wholeheartedly recommend every single person involved in the making of this shoot. Thank you Joanie! x
Em x

Friday, 17 February 2017

Five Minutes On Being Too Much

I haven't been sleeping well lately. I don't know why, it's just one of those things that happens every now and then, but lying awake at 3am this morning I started thinking bad thoughts. You will know the ones, the ones where you remember every negative thing said to or about you from the age of two onwards... One thing each of these thoughts have in common for me is the word "Too"; You're too big, too lazy, too nice, too clever (The latter is less of an issue for me personally...). but it's incredible how putting this one word in front of another can turn it into an immediate negative. Try it: think of the adjective you'd most like to be described as and put the word "Too" in front of it - Weird isn't it? This word is used by other people to take away any control we have over ourselves and how we present to other people. GRIM. 
I quickly came to realise that I'm not alone in this, everyone has experienced the dreaded "Too", and in most cases it causes more self-loathing than anything else we store in our noggins - Possibly because we're brought up to believe that nothing is more important than pleasing the people around us...? I don't know. Which is why I put the call out to my fellow humans - I asked them what they've been told they're too much of, how this has impacted them and finally how they have combatted or managed these feelings. 
My friends, this is a long post - The longest post ever published on Terrible Tumbles, BUT: Every. Word. Means. Something. The people who have shared their thoughts here have actively tapped into those 3am horrors we all have and are willing to share them with you - Be this as a way of catharsis or be this a way of letting you know that you are not alone. So I ask that, if you are able, you please read what they're saying, think about what this may mean to you and maybe show them some love (Links are available through photos where available)

As one to always offer an opinion... I often feel, and have been told, I'm too upfront and honest. I'm an open book and am happy to share my sexual experiences, my mental health experiences and parenting experiences being just a few to mention. I'm often told I'm very honest, or make people gasp/laugh in embarrassment. I guess I don't mean to shock people, I just talk about real stuff that I don't think people should be embarrassed about, but apparently they are. 
I have bipolar disorder and anxiety so how I handle this would really depend what kind of day you catch me on. If I am feeling particularly vulnerable, I would and still do run over the details of the comment and situation . Wondering what I could have done different to prevent the situation arising. How I should have reigned it in, and that plays into my insecurities of not being good enough and a failure.  
If I'm having an 'up' day, I won't give a flying fig, in fact I'll find it amusing and enjoy the attention. It feels unnatural not to talk about the things that are so important to me.


I've been told by every boyfriend I've had that I'm too opinionated. It's stopped me in my tracks every time. My initial feelings have always been shame and regret, I want the people I care about to like me, and being told I'm 'too much' is as hurtful as 'not enough'. In negotiating our interactions with our lovers and significant others, we're inclined to keep to the middle of the road with regards to managing their feelings towards us, we don't want their affections to veer too far one way or the other. Being told I was too opinionated were the moments I ended up in the gutter. 
My secondary feelings are those of injustice. Being opinionated, especially too opinionated, isn't an expression we associate with men. Men get to be assertive and show leadership, I'm just angry and bossy. Intellectual provocation isn't allowed, just sexual, yeah? 
Hindsight, being the beautiful bastard it is, has taught me that these moments have said more about the people telling me I'm too opinionated than the expression itself. It exposes their insecurities, not mine. It shows where my power lies. Of course, how we deliver a message is just as important as the message itself, and perhaps I need to take more care in how I express my opinions regardless of who I'm talking to, boyfriend or otherwise. My opinions need to be expressed in a smarter way... and I AM smart (IMO).

I was recently chatting with friends in a bar about relationships; a mixed group and one of our male friends  mentioned that I was "too independent" and that that would put prospective men off. Apparently there's a certain level of neediness, which men find attractive and too much independence "shows that you don't need a man" and "can be intimidating". (A bit of background; about a year ago, I left a 10 year relationship, and I've spent the past year or so dating a little, but mostly getting back on my feet and finding out who I am and what I want, which sounds daft maybe.) 
It's hard to be too offended by being told that you're independent, as I see that as "having your shit together", but it's weird to think that you can be "too" anything in terms of your attributes. I felt a little sad that my friends were suggesting that independence would equal being unapproachable. 
It made me start to compare where I am in my life with other people, and left me feeling as though by my age I should have accomplished more or different things which seem to constitute life goals and social norms in today's society. (Marriage, children, etc).

I have a PhD and I am well known in my field of work. I am an expert, but I'm apparently too opinionated, too passionate (about my work), too assertive/aggressive, too "scary" (like WTF - I'm threatening to men?), too loud. It's almost always men who say this.  I have been laughed at or silenced in meetings for having strong opinions. 
I usually know more than most of the people who put me down, but because I'm small, fat and female, my knowledge doesn't count for anything. When I ask questions I often get eyerolls, like "oh no, not her asking questions *again*".  
I will not be silenced and I will have my voice heard because I know my stuff. I'm lucky that I was brought up by parents who encouraged me to speak out, but it's still hard even with my level of knowledge, experience in my field and expertise, I'm still belittled and they try to silence me. 

It always starts with "I've never met a girl like you before". This makes you feel special and exotic. Of course not, I'm SUPER. There's never a hard line, but more of a small drift into criticism that you don't notice at first.  "You're quite loud" because you laugh at your own jokes and don't speak in a coquettish whisper. "I love that you're interested in different things" becomes "but Eastenders is on, why would you want to watch a documentary on trains, you're really odd".  "It's great you love watching sport" becomes "You only do that to be 'different'". Like if you enjoy anything it has to be for an outside audience and not for your own pleasure.  "You've ALWAYS got an opinion haven't you". Yes. And it can change over time and sometimes it's not as informed as it could be but I do actually think things. 
Even on the occasions where these things are said with fondness, the meaning is clear. You should not have opinions.  
And you start to think maybe you SHOULD be more 'girlie'. Maybe don't talk so much. Maybe be gentler. 
And then you realise that you are fucking miserable because you're pretending the core of your person doesn't exist. Yes you can soften your edges if you realise sometimes you can be too sharp, but not to please someone else's version of you. 
And then you find more of your crew. Women who are brave funny honest talented adventurous loud and also LAUGH AT THEIR OWN JOKES. And they are a fucking joy. And they recognise you so you gain sisters. And you know that if you think they are amazing, why are you trying to make yourself smaller and less. And you get your AWESOME back.

I've been told I'm too loud and loquacious, and too brash, sexual and opinionated. Several hilarious occasions where I have been totally belittled and shut down were by people of authority who, you would think, would understand my young age and why I might be very chatty, but actually revelled in telling me off. 
One police officer told me off for being upset when my student house got robbed and trashed. He was quite rude to me, it was weird because he was asking ME questions and not listening and telling me to be quiet!? They smashed our bathroom window and trashed our house in a rather violent manner. I was 20, and in tears when I came home to see everything this fucked up. A time one might allow a young lady to be upset about, and not a time to tell said young lady to shut up and listen. Another funny occasion was when I was having my dyslexia tested at my university campus. While the lady asked me confusing and personal questions, about my way of living, my thought process etc. She snapped and said she doesn't have time for long answers. Again, I was there to get help, at a vulnerable level where I already felt small already. 
My tutor at university, whom I studied contextual studies with, gave me a massive telling off, in front of my whole class. The reason being we were put into groups to discuss old magazines and how the adverts made women out to be house maids (they were 1950's magazines) and the three girls I was paired with were not interested AT ALL. And were on their phones, which they hid under the desks. So when it came to discuss what we thought to the class, one girl said she couldn't get a word in because I wouldn't stop talking. Which was totally untrue, these girls had NOTHING to say, and were not interested in the slightest. I asked them questions and they didn't care. I then got a telling off for dominating the group, like a child at secondary school, no a woman at university. 
I've been told off by an older nurse lady, who said very loudly and angrily that I was obese and needed to lose weight. Another doctor I spoke to had a massive go at me, as if he were my father?! Because I had unprotected sex and admitted to using the "pulling out technique" one or twice. Again, I was not being honest to a professional with the view I would be told off? Or put down, or told to be quiet. 
The impact of these people, telling me off and telling me to be quiet, made me feel ashamed to have feelings and to ask for help. I went through life feeling as though it was pointless to be honest, to ask for help, to be myself. 
I do talk a lot, I am loud at times. I've learnt to curb this all, to be more succinct and tactful. But as a young lady I felt these professionals were very unprofessional towards me. I think it's stopped me making friends, because I feel scared to be told off or shut down.  I combatted this by learning to chose when to be open, who is worth being honest to, who I can be myself around. It's a never ending guessing game, I have to shut myself down in most cases to avoid being told I'm too loud or chatty or whatever. Just in case. I now attend counselling (not for this precise reason but it helps a lot). 

I have been told, on many occasions, that I am too opinionated.  I do have a lot of opinions about a lot of things, which you probably see on my social feed haha!  I know some friends purposely avoid subjects that I am passionate about, which makes me sad, but on the other hand, I won't apologise for being passionate about my beliefs and causes I think needs publicising. It makes me sad, and frustrated.  Because up until the past few years, I did not have the confidence to speak out.  To say what I really wanted to.  
I was always the silent one in a conversation, I did not speak up.  I was under confident and felt that society as a whole did not want to hear from the fat girl.  I could be the atypical "funny fat girl" but having an opinion on a subject was something that I felt that I was not allowed.  Even now, with confidence gain; being fat detracts from my point of view constantly.  As a fat woman, and a feminist, I am automatically stereotyped as a "feminazi" who can't get laid.  
My political and social beliefs are put down to, again, as one man put it "If you were thin and had a man, you wouldn't need to champion all these causes, you would be normal".  I have no desire to be normal, no matter what shape or size. After decades of not saying what I really think through the fear of not being liked and accepted; to now, finding my confidence to be able to be who I really am, my thought process is, screw it.  I would rather have an opinion than none at all.  The people who dislike my opinions don't need to.  I don't need their approval.  My true friends accept me for who I am and if they feel the need to avoid certain subjects with me, that is fine.  They still love me and I have been told since that despite the avoidance of certain subjects, they admire my passion.  So I won't dial back.  I will continue to live to the beat of my own drum because, hell, I think I deserve to.  Everyone does, 
The truth is, I love being passionate about what I think and speaking up.  It has taught me so much.  Conversing with people has both affirmed and changed my opinion on many subjects. It brings me joy and that can never be wrong. 

Pretty much all my life I've been told I'm "too soft" and as an adult that's changed to, too emotional, over thinking and taking things too personally. It's been used as a insult as well as an attribute. It's been said formally in one-to-ones or passing comments by colleagues. I get it less by friends because they tend not to see that side of my life. In work I have to be assertive whereas "home" me is very passive. 
It annoys me now more than ever, I find myself having to police my own feelings and reactions to people who seem totally oblivious to how their actions can effect me. In a client facing role my "softness" is my biggest asset, it helps me connect and build relationships as well as get stuff done. But it also means that people use it against me and break my confidence in a heartbeat. I am constantly battling between them being in the wrong and feelings of "is it me?" 
By being emotional, I'm not constantly in tears or can't take constructive criticism; I can, I'm very honest about myself and where I need to improve. I appreciate feedback and can take things on the chin. It's when people hone in on and pick up on my self doubt and subsequently use that as a weapon. 
I have to find reason with people who know me well - who I trust. People I can openly ask "is it me?" and who will give me an honest answer. I also have friends who really champion my personality type and help that fire of confidence keep going.  

Throughout my life I have been told that I am a strong person by friends and family alike.  I endeavor to consider other people's thoughts, feelings and priorities and 'get on with it' without creating much fuss even when facing life's challenges. However, in adult life, this concept of emotional strength and resilience became tied up with that of independence.  I have spent most of my adult life as a singleton and without a very obvious reason for my being single (no obvious physical disfigurement or apparent abhorrent personality traits), there had to be something... Then, yes, oh wait, it was because I was 'too independent'.  Friends and family alike proffered this nugget of wisdom that this was the reason why I was single.      Upon hearing this train of thought again and again over the years by different people in my life, this had a detrimental impact on my self-confidence.  It made me question how I behave with other people, my values and my beliefs. It made me feel like my independent spirit was a defective part of my personality.  Although I am sure that for the most part, the sentiment behind giving the advice had been along the lines of helpfulness, thoughtfulness and concern for my future happiness, by diminishing my self-confidence, it had the opposite result of adding to any feelings of anxiety and unhappiness that I already had and making me feel like there was no point in pursuing a relationship because I would ruin it with my overly independent streak.   Naturally, I was very upset at what felt like an ongoing personal attack.  Yes, I am an independent person, but I am also a sensitive, caring and loving person as well.  And in being independent, I don't agree that resigns you to an life of isolation and loneliness! I always think it is important to consider any advice given to you by someone that genuinely cares for your welfare.  For this reason, you have to honestly evaluate your relationship with the person offering the advice and acknowledge whether this advice is due to genuine concern or a result of their own values and beliefs (which you may not necessarily share) or a negative outlet for their own insecurities.  For instance, from men, I generally disregarded and at times challenged them, questioning whether my independence was a general issue or their incapability to deal with a woman with her own mind and ability to look after herself.  For close friends and family members, I considered what they really meant by what it is to be 'too independent'.  In reality, my independence in respect of my opinions, choices and finances was not the issue at hand.  The real issue was that I was not open to the idea of meeting someone. 
But at 30, I changed all that.  I moved to a different city and tried online dating with real success.  I am now at a point in my life where I am fortunate enough to be with a person who I love and who loves me back. I am still independent but he respects and values that about me. I don't need him, I want him in my life.  And that's what I consider to be a true, equal, happy partnership. 


As soon as I got tall (when I was about 14 - I'm 6'1") I started becoming aware that kids my age thought I was some sort of freak, and that it was hilarious to make fun of me for being a gangly awkward tall girl. My dad was the first one to tell me that the reason boys weren't interested in me was because I was too tall, that they were intimidated (he said it from a place of love and trying to make me feel better). I also think that in a sense fashion has always told me I was too tall by not catering to me, by making me 'other', by forcing me to pay more and look elsewhere and make dressing myself more complicated and harder than for the average person. Weirdly, I have always loved being tall and nobody was able to dent that feeling for me. I don't know why. I always felt annoyed and mildly upset that men found my height intimidating, but to be honest my thinking they were pathetic for that was the stronger, more dominant feeling. I have always been slightly embarrassed about my massive feet, but only slightly. I find it more amusing than anything else. However, some people's attitudes have dented me a bit and made me feel hurt, but I think that was more to do with my general self esteem than my height per se. I've had instances where people have told me I was in the wrong queue for the toilets, or said "oh sorry mate" when they've bumped into me, then grimaced as they've realised I was a woman. I think most women would have a wobble if they were mistaken for a bloke.  I've had men recoil, &/or grimace &/or swear when they have noticed me and my height. The least harmful-yet-stupid reaction is men blurting out "Bloody hell, you're tall!" at me which happens all the time. I even experienced sexual assault where my height was a factor (won't go into too much detail, but it involved short males seeing how easy it was to get their hands up my skirt and further when I was a young teenager). So I guess in that sense the impact has been that I am acutely aware that my height is an issue for men, even though it's not an issue for me. When it comes to fashion, the impact is that I've felt incredibly frustrated and that my life would be so much easier if I were shorter/average height. And I feel like I've missed out a bit on heels and lovely shoes. But I've never wanted to be shorter. I just wanted to be catered to (fashion is better now and seems to be getting better all the time, but it was a nightmare until about 2010). 
I don't feel negative about my height. And I fully 100% believe that if other people have an idiotic reaction to my height, that is entirely on them. I just think they're pathetic. And fashion has come along now to the point where I am rarely frustrated so that's just lucky I guess. I now know where to look for clothes and I know what's going to work for me from regular clothes. Trial and error. 

 I feel like we have some kind of gang here - A gang of incredible people who have their own "Too" Superpowers and I want to say a huge and sincere thank you to each magnificent one of them from the bottom of my heart.  I hope you've enjoyed / taken something away from this post because this is just Part 1 - I have a wealth of incredible people ready to share their thoughts with you in my drafts right now and I intend to continue sharing until the end of February. If you'd like to contribute, be it openly or anonymously, please get in touch with me at terribletumbles@gmail.com
If you are having negative thoughts right now and need to talk to someone - You Are Not Alone. There are details of people who can help at the bottom of my holiday post here.  Please know that you are important, you are worthy and you are loved.
Em x